It is election time in Canada. So often we are caught in that decision – I love the person but not the party. Case in point, Jack Layton had this fantastic quote before he passed away too soon. No one can argue with these words and the sentiment behind them.
“My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.” Jack Layton
My “F” word isn’t the same as yours. My “F” word is “Frustration”. I tell everyone that frustration is a useless emotion, whether in your personal life or your business life. Frustration occurs when you believe you are blocked from reaching your goal by something that is outside of your control. In my personal life, I have come across many frustrating situations and I have learned to reframe those situations as challenging vs frustrating. We underestimate how much is within our control. I love a good challenge.
In my business life, I spend most of my time observing and listening. Listening for that “F” word. When you hear the “F” word in your leadership journey, don’t avoid the situation hoping that it will correct itself. Rather meet it head on and find a solution.
I have a good friend (shoutout to Trevor) that has made a career of going into companies and listening for that F word. When Trevor hears the F word he develops an app to solve it. Trevor has made a career on solving the F situations.
Whenever you hear yourself or someone else use the F word, don’t run away from it, rather walk straight into it and find a solution.
Do you ever find yourself on the outside, looking at someone or a process and thinking “I could do better”. My suggestion is to get in there and try to make a difference. Never underestimate the Power of One and your ability to make a difference. I was blown away listening to Justin Bieber’s album “Justice”, and more specifically the MLK Interlude. I should have known but did not appreciate that Martin Luther King was quite young at 39 years old when he had accomplished so much. We may not have the ability to effect change as much as Martin Luther King did but whenever we are in a leadership role we have the opportunity to help others. Don’t stand on the sidelines, the Power of One is unstoppable. Theodore Roosevelt captured it quite well in his quote below. Get in the arena and help someone.
If you haven’t heard of The Barkley Marathons take some time to research it. The Barkley Marathons is an ultramarathon trail race held in Frozen Head State Park near Wartburg, Tennessee. Runners are required to find their way around an unmarked trail in harsh conditions, covering about about 100 miles (160 km). The race is limited to a 60-hour period, and takes place in late March or early April of each year. There are books, articles on the internet and a fantastic film that all provide more information.
While the theme of the film is about the racers, you will also be introduced to the co-founder and director of the race, Gary Cantrell aka Lazarus Lake. During the film, Lazarus Lake provides narration. One of his quotes on success stood out to me.
Everyone has their own concept of success or failure. Don’t be concerned how others judge you, rather evaluate your performance and make your own judgement on success or failure
In an earlier post I referred to the importance of finding your North Star. The North Star is your reason to be, why you get up in the morning and provides clarity to your life journey, It took me almost 40 years before I could formalize my life goal. For me, I have three goals:
Get to heaven.
Help as many others get there as possible.
Enjoy the journey.
Those three goals guide my decision making everyday. Each year I take time out to review progress and develop plans aligned with those goals. From year to year the plans may change but the goals don’t.
The definition of leadership that we started with “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something they wouldn’t normally do because they want to and they understand why.”
When we bring children into the world we have the responsibility of leading them. If you do a good job, the time will come when your kids begin to lead you. I have two simple examples that came up recently.
I introduced the concept of stimulus and response in an earlier blog. We are all challenged by this at some time. This year I made the public commitment that I would respect the observance of Lent and give up alcohol. I am not Catholic but I respect the concept of sacrifice and improvement. I was two weeks in when we had a small gathering at our house and I opened a bottle of wine to share with guests. I poured a glass for myself and was ready to bend the rules when my daughter caught my eye and knowing me said “Dad, if you do that you will regret it and there is no going back”. Needless to say, I did not drink any wine that night. My daughter was successful in getting me to do something I wouldn’t normally do because i wanted to and I understood why.
I also think of myself as somewhat chivalrous, upholding the honour of my wife. When we go for walks, I proudly hold her hand and stay aware, ready to protect. My son and his wife were walking behind us when he called out to me and said “Dad, what are you doing?” You see, we were walking on a busy road and my wife was on the inner side, walking closer to the traffic. My son educated me on chivalry and that I should actually be walking on the inner side and protecting his mother. Needless to say, I took my wife’s other hand and began walking on the inner side as I have continued to do. My son was successful in getting me to do something I wouldn’t normally do because i wanted to and I understood why.
When I was young my father taught me how to find the North Star. If I was ever lost, I could look up, find The Big Dipper (Ursa Major) and locate the North Star. This was a way to reset, find my bearings and get home if I was out hiking and the sun had set. It didn’t stop there, my father also showed me the Belt of Orion and the Seven Sisters (Pleiades). As I got older, I took a university course in Astronomy and ended up buying an 8” diameter reflector telescope that would allow me to see light years away. Although the telescope helped me to see further, it was always the North Star I picked out on my walks. Not only does it centre me and give me direction on a dark night, it also takes me back to the teachings of my father and the importance of values.
Everyone needs their North Star. You can’t get to where you want to go if you don’t know where the destination is. Every year I take time out to review where I am, what my goals are and I write them down. It took me about 40 years to really figure out where I was headed and how I would keep centred on where I was headed. Now my annual exercise is more on how to reach the goal rather than setting the goal.
Yes, when I walk at night I still look up at the North Star. Every time I find myself walking at night with my wife or my kids, I stop and point out the North Star to them. Last week I was walking with my daughter and her dog. As usual I was walking with my head up, looking at the sky and thinking of my father. This time I was lucky enough to see the Northern Lights and the opportunity to share them with my daughter, the first time she had ever seen them. If you haven’t found it yet, sit down and think about where you are going and what your North Star is.
The great thing about life is that each day provides us with an opportunity to improve. One time at work, my boss showed up when I was having some challenges and the group results were not as expected and most importantly, not as I had committed to earlier in the year. His simple message to me was “Status quo is not an option!” It also reminds me of the quote from Will Rogers, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” During our lives, we always come to the day where change is necessary. It can be results at work, a health issue or a relationship challenge.
The key is to set goals, chart progress and change before you need to.
We hear it over and over again – we can only control our response to things outside of our control. My journey has included a focus on extending the zone between stimulus and response. Rarely do we need to react immediately – typically life saving moments only – and in these cases the time between stimulus and response shrinks and becomes an impulsive reaction. Impulsive reactions can happen out of anger, anxiety or habits – good and bad.
I remember walking to a parent/teacher interview one evening with my wife. It was about a 15 minute walk and when we sat down with the teacher he went on to tell us how disruptive our son was in class and that he needed to bring more focus each day. Sounded strange but he did use my son’s first name when giving us an example of a situation. That 15 minute walk home went by pretty fast. When we arrived home, we started lecturing our son only to find out it was another student by the same name in his class causing the disturbances. We turned a 15 minute gap into a impulsive situation.
At work I make it a point with my teams to never worry about bringing bad news. I tell them it is neither good or bad, it is just news and we will react accordingly. Earlier in my career when confronted with issues I was very impulsive with my reaction. I was known for swiftly fixing problems but learned one day when one of team members challenged me – Give me a chance to deal with this! I did and a better solution resulted.
What do we do? A number of years ago I had a friend recommend a local Mindfulness class. It was one of the best decisions I made and practice Mindfulness Meditation to this day. The time between stimulus and response is my time and I am in full control of how I will react. Use the time between stimulus and response, think over solutions, get advice, investigate and respond when you’re ready.
I came across this graphic one day and it really hit home for me. You hear the suggestion over and over again – you need to get out of your comfort zone. It is true, to learn new skills and to have new experiences, we must all escape our comfort zone. I worked at the same company for twenty five years, promoted through many roles until I became President. I knew every process, I knew the products inside and out and I felt in control.
The day came when another opportunity was in front of me, a new challenge to lead another company where I did not know any of the processes. I was not familiar with any of the products and had no connection with the team. In my previous twenty five years, I had built my skills and confidence. I left my comfort zone, went into the learning and growth zones. I had confidence from previous experiences and the culture of the company was one that promoted team members to obtain new skills.
Not everyone has confidence when leaving their comfort zone. In life or business, our role as leaders is to help others through the fear zone. Eliminate the fear zone by creating a safe zone, a zone where it is ok to try new things and sometimes stumble. A safe zone does not mean there are no rules, rather it means the rules are very clear and we will all abide by them. These can be values, behaviours or a code of conduct. Humiliation, mockery and other demeaning behaviours can not exist in a safe zone.
Run a meeting, if it doesn’t achieve the desired results you can try again tomorrow. Try a new form of dance or a new sport, if you are not passionate about it you can try another. If you enjoy it, set goals, practice and improve. So while it is important for all of us to get out of our comfort zones, as leaders or parents our work is to create safe zones where people can grow and achieve their dreams.