Tag Archives: Family

Hello in There and Iceberg Communications

There is a song by John Prine that I enjoy listening to – it’s called “Hello in There”. While the song focuses on a couple that grows older and becomes lonely, the message applies to everyone. Below is only an excerpt of the lyrics from the song.

Hello In There – John Prine

You know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder every day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, “Hello in there, hello”

So if you’re walking down the street sometime
And spot some hollow ancient eyes
Please don’t just pass ’em by and stare
As if you didn’t care, say, “Hello in there, hello”

How often do you just pass by others, especially friends or team members, and only have a superficial discussion – “How are you?”, “Good” and then we move on. It is so easy today with text and email to only touch the surface of the individual and not truly understand how they are doing – it reminds me of an iceberg.

I first learned this lesson when I was younger, before text or email was a preferred method of communication. On a family trip to Scotland visiting relatives, we would walk into the town for groceries. If our relatives saw someone they knew, it wasn’t just “Hello”, it was “Let’s stop and have a tea”, followed by a deeper conversation. No rush, and taking time to truly know how the other person was doing.

Unfortunately, I learned this lesson again. Recently I received a call from a friend to let me know a mutual friend had passed away only days before. Over the past, I had worked with this mutual friend at two different companies building a connection. We would see each other two or three times a year and regularly text, especially when our rival soccer teams were playing each other. I had been in contact via text, only weeks before as our teams were playing and we had some fun texting and finished off with – “Hope things are going well”. What my friend didn’t tell me was that he was at home in the final stages of a battle with cancer. He didn’t tell me and I didn’t know.

What can we do different?

At work, there are different methods. My daughter recently taught me about The Rose, The Thorn and The Bud. You can start off meetings at work by asking everyone:

What is your rose? What is something great that has happened?
What is your thorn? What is not going as expected?
What is your bud? What have you learned?

In your personal life there are simple steps we can all take. Recently, when I receive a text from a friend, I select dial instead of text and have a conversation – there is still something special about hearing a voice, a laugh, or being able to prop someone up. I also take the opportunity to ask deeper questions:

What’s on your mind today?
What was your highlight from last week? (Rose)
What are you worried about this week? (Thorn)
What did you learn last week? (Bud)
If you had a whole day where you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?
What do you want people to know about you?
What do you need more of in your life?
What do you need less of in your life?
How have you grown in the last year and where do you want to grow this year?

Try whatever is comfortable to you – it will make a difference in someone’s life.

To my friend, may your journey continue. You made an imprint on me, YNWA.

Habits, My Daily Jay and Friction

I know that we all have positive habits, negative habits, habits we want to start and habits we want to stop. One of my daily habits is to spend time in mindfulness meditation. I am proud say that I am approaching 1000 days in a row spending some quiet time each day. Part of my morning routine is to sit quietly and listen to a daily meditation. I use the Calm app and quite often listen to Jay Shetty’s Daily Jay.

This week one of the meditations was centred around habits and what Jay Shetty refers to as “decreasing friction”. For me, a way to decrease friction for mindfulness meditation is to use the Calm app which provides me with multiple meditations queued up and ready to go. Another example of decreasing friction is my goal of having a healthy breakfast. Making a batch of overnight oats or overnight chia that lasts two or three mornings makes it simple – get up, the food is ready and all I need to do is scoop it into a bowl and eat it – no thought required and no friction.

The opposite is also true. If there is a habit you want to stop, consider adding friction. Snacking after meals, add some friction by removing the snacks from the cupboards. Worried about too many calories, use an app like MyFitnessPal to track your calorie intake.

Remove friction or add friction, and focus on where you want to improve.

Taken from the Calm App and the Daily Jay

Empowerment Part 1

In every leadership journey there will come a point where you will need to transition from a command and control leader (some would say micro-manager) to an empowering leader. It can be painful when someone refers to you as a micro-manager, we typically don’t want to be seen as control freaks. Command and control leaders can be very effective, look no further than Steve Jobs of Apple fame. Having a command and control leader can also be useful in emergency situations or working with a team that is very fresh and unskilled (think toddlers).

At some point, most people want to be empowered. Empowerment can be defined as giving authority or power to someone to do something. What are the basics to empowerment?

There are three basic steps to Empowerment – Trust, Train and Empower.

Empowerment begins with mutual trust – as a leader you must believe in the potential of the individual, trust that they want to do the right thing and the individual must trust you are there to support them.
Training is required, not just in the knowledge and skills required for the task, but also the “guardrails”. The guardrails are the decision boundaries including areas such as policies, procedures, SOPs’s, ethics and decisions that may show favouritism. The guardrails will change over time as the individual gains skills and knowledge.
The final step is to get out of the way and empower the individuals. Set up a pre-determined checkpoint where you will be able to provide feedback. For feedback, there is no better feedback than positive feedback when someone is executing to expectations.

Law of Conservation of Energy Part 1

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created or destroyed – only converted from one form of energy to another. Sometimes this law is also referred to as the Law of Conservation of Energy. While we can visualize the transfer of energy if we add a flame to an ice cube, the application of this law can be much broader.

We emit energy every day through our body language, the words we speak, how we treat one another, and it is possible to convert negative energy to positive energy. What are the results of positive energy in the workplace?

Helps to get you through tough times. The Power of Attraction tells us that whatever you focus your energy on will come back to you. Call it karma, call it good vibrations but they all come back to the theory that positive thoughts bring positive results into a person’s life.
Influencing others. Energy, excitement and enthusiasm helps others to feel more energized. This is how we maximize the potential of others.
Pulling a team together. Getting a team innovating and practicing the behaviors of Yes, If vs No, Because (see earlier blog).
Positive energy will carry you through a tough situation. Negative energy results in challenges being magnified and feeling worse and worse.
Positive energy results in generally happier people and happier people are more productive. Negative energy builds resentment and tension, stifling creativity.

How can we convert negative energy to positive energy?

Focus on what is in your control. We can not control what life is going to throw at us, be we can control how we react. Mindfulness practice helps to extend the time between stimulus and response.
Start a gratitude practice. Be grateful for the positives that you do have in your life.
Reframe and change your perception of things.

The Power of Gratitude and Marty McFly

For many people it is the time of year to be grateful for all we have, sharing moments with family and friends that you may not have seen for some time. For others, loneliness sets in, bringing with it feeling of sadness, anxiety or depression.

As per Harvard Health Publishing, there is documented evidence that focusing on gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships. There are many ways to practice gratitude:

Saying thank you either in-person or in writing. Even in this day and age, who doesn’t love to see a Christmas Card in the mail.
- Sending positive thoughts to others and keeping them in your mind or prayers if they are going through challenging times.
  - Keeping a formal gratitude journal where your regularly take time to write down what you are grateful for.
    - Practicing mindfulness meditation, focusing on the present moment and focusing on what you are grateful for.
  - If you do believe in God, or a higher power, take time out to pray and give thanks for all the positives in your life.

It may be challenging at times to find those small things to be grateful for when we are going through difficult times. Recently I was reminded how powerful gratitude can be. We all know Michael J Fox and the challenges he is going through. Michael J Fox’s acting career changed when he weas diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease at the age of 29. I can still remember Alex Keaton in Family Ties, Scott Howard in Teen Wolf and Marty McFly in the Back To The Future movies. Who doesn’t want their own Flux Capacitor?

It was a recent interview that really caught my attention. Michael J Fox reunited with his Back to the Future co-star Christopher Lloyd and detailed how he has had a “really rough year” but still remains “grateful”. ”Well, in the last year I’ve broken my cheek, my eye socket, my hand, my elbow … my shoulder. I had a rough year of getting beat up. But that was really cool because it made me realize … with gratitude, it’s sustainable. If you can find something to be grateful for, if you can find something and say, ‘Well, that’s good,’ … It’ll always get better… I’m very optimistic.”

If you are going though tough times or if you aren’t, continue to take time out to be grateful for those small blessings in your life.

Trail Running Part 1

I entered the trail running world years ago after watching The Barkley Marathons. I’ve always wanted to experience new ways to maintain my fitness and I never ran for the purpose of running too much in the past. I enjoyed running while playing sports like basketball but running for the sake of running was not enjoyable. Trail running on the other hand, hooked me and pulled me in. The ability to escape into a forest, running along a trail became a meditative experience with me. The meditative experience was especially powerful as my father entered his last years of life and I had a diffcult time coming to terms with death so close at the door. Regularly, after silent visits with my father I would return home and “escape” into a forest reflecting and having conversations with my father and eventually saying goodbye to his physical presence. While I have yet to reach, and most likely never will reach, the levels of trail running associated with world class atheletes that compete in the Barkley Marathons, I have run over 20 km many times. I have learned so much while trail running and this is my Part 1 in the lessons I have learned while trail running. These lessons are in no specific order.

Lesson #1 – Manage your stress I have a Garmin watch I purchased years ago and I monitor my heart rate while on the trails. I know that if I get over 170 bpm heat rate it will affect my ability to recover and maintain pace. If needed, I will slow down and bring my heart rate down knowing my limits. In life we don’t have a Gamin watch that will tell us when life is moving too fast. There may be other signals we need to pay attention to – sleep patterns, overall health and resistance to common colds, headaches and overall happiness. Find your measurements in life and slow down when you need to. The danger of not slowing down may result in a longer recovery time.

Lesson #2 – Don’t be embarrassed to walk the hills Yes, it is more difficult to run up a hill than on level ground. Running up a hill uses more energy and there is a much higher potential to exceed your stress levles. On more than one race I have walked up a hill or two, sometimes you will hear someone saying “Don’t walk, keep running”. Me, I know when I need to walk up a hill and most of the time I have ended running past that person that had that need to run up the hills. In life there will be times when you have an imposing hill in front of you. Don’t be embarrassed to slow down and walk up the hill if you need to. Only you can determine when you need to walk or run.

Lesson #3 – Enjoy the journey and don’t be a trail running snob More than once I have been on a trail that has a lookout. Looking at my watch and timing I would quite often run past the lookout, trying to maintain my pace and beat my last time. Take some time, stop at the lookout, take some deep breaths and enjoy the view. You will never get a chance to enjoy that specific view another time – we only have the present.

Lesson #4 – Splash in the puddles Who doesn’t remember running in the rain, looking for puddles to splash in. Somewhere along the way we stop jumping in the puddles, not wanting to get our shoes and clothes wet. It was fun, enjoying a nice rain, rolling in the snow or finding a new swimming spot. We look for dry ground or don’t go outside when it is raining – we want to stay in our comfort zone. You learn so much and can have so much enjoyment getting out of that comfort zone and trying a new path.

Hitting The Reset

It’s been three months since my last post. Three months ago I had just finished another trail race after months of preparation (5k to 10k runs at 6 am), had come through a trying season of leadership as we continued to navigate through the pandemic (abseentism, missing customer deadlines) and I was questioning if I was on the right track with life and work. It was time for a reset, resting my body and mind, and reconnecting to those important to me. I spent time reading and listening to books about spirit and soul, re-connecting with friends, having great discussions on new thoughts, continuing my meditation journey, listening to songs, trying different types of exercise and practicing mindfulness every day.

Given my engineering background I have learned that all equipment benefits from a reset from now and again. When it comes to a computer or phone, we do a reset because we are experiencing software errors, or issues like connecting to networks or apps crashing. Resetting typically resolves these errors and restores normal functioning. We are the same. Without a reset we may continue in a job or relationship that does not bring joy, we may continue down a path that is causing harm to our bodies or it may be an opportunity to reaffirm the current path. The steps are easy:

Take time to reflect – Get out some paper and a pen. Write down what or who brings you enjoyment and those that don’t. Practice gratitude and be thankful for those things going well in life.
Change your clothes – While I don’t mean you need to physically change clothes, but shed those things that are no longer bringing enjoyment.
Develop your strategy, plans and tactics – What is your overall strategy and where you are headed or trying to achieve. What plans are required and what are the specific actions to get you there? Develop a mental picture of where you want to go.
Let others know where you are headed – Telling others helps to build accountability to your plan.
Go for it – Get out there and start making small steps focused on your goal. Celebrate the small successes along the way.

Who Is Your Pitcher of Water?

You’ve heard it before – circle yourself with personal and professional connections that will help you improve. It doesn’t matter who you are, those challenging times will come at some time in your life. Your personal glass of water can sometimes be half empty or half full. We can’t always be at 100%. What I find more important is that you have a support network around you that can lift you up during those times. That is what I call my pitcher of water. I have been blessed throughout my life to have pitchers of water around, always looking to fill up my glass when needed.

As leaders, we need to do the same thing. When you have that opportunity to refill someones glass, don’t let that opportunity pass you by. Someday your glass will need a refill.

Life Is A Journey (So Treat It Like One)

A number of years ago our family went on a hike, 100 miles through the Highlands of Scotland. Being a trail hike (on a trail that we hoped was well marked), we had some planning to do. The five rules we set out for ourself were:
#1 – Pick a destination and have a direction.
#2 – Learn the terrain and prepare for the weather.
#3 – Find some good travelling companions.
#4 – Be ready to course correct and innovate along the way
#5 – Pause along the way because there may be nothing at the end of the road.

#1) Pick a destination and have a direction – it is very easy to get lost on the journey. Take some time to map out your path and have a goal in mind. We all have different goals in life – some personal, some professional but what do you want to accomplish? Draw a map if you need to, identifying stops along the way.

#2) Learn the terrain and prepare for the weather – sure, Scotland is known for it’s challenging climate but not every day is like that. And just like life, there will be ups and downs – be prepared for it all. All storms will pass.

#3) Find some good travelling companions – Make sure you are surrounded by people that will lift you up instead of tear you down. Did you know that your values and ability to enjoy life are most affected by the five closest people around you?

#4) Be ready to course correct and innovate along the way – you never know what challenges will come your way. It may be something simple like blisters, but if you don’t take care of them and prepare, your journey will be ruined.

#5 – Pause along the way because there may be nothing at the end of the road. Too often we set our goal and race to the finish, missing all the sites along the way. Take some time to pause and enjoy the stops along the way.

When Your Kids Become Leaders

The definition of leadership that we started with “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something they wouldn’t normally do because they want to and they understand why.”

When we bring children into the world we have the responsibility of leading them. If you do a good job, the time will come when your kids begin to lead you. I have two simple examples that came up recently.

I introduced the concept of stimulus and response in an earlier blog. We are all challenged by this at some time. This year I made the public commitment that I would respect the observance of Lent and give up alcohol. I am not Catholic but I respect the concept of sacrifice and improvement. I was two weeks in when we had a small gathering at our house and I opened a bottle of wine to share with guests. I poured a glass for myself and was ready to bend the rules when my daughter caught my eye and knowing me said “Dad, if you do that you will regret it and there is no going back”. Needless to say, I did not drink any wine that night. My daughter was successful in getting me to do something I wouldn’t normally do because i wanted to and I understood why.

I also think of myself as somewhat chivalrous, upholding the honour of my wife. When we go for walks, I proudly hold her hand and stay aware, ready to protect. My son and his wife were walking behind us when he called out to me and said “Dad, what are you doing?” You see, we were walking on a busy road and my wife was on the inner side, walking closer to the traffic. My son educated me on chivalry and that I should actually be walking on the inner side and protecting his mother. Needless to say, I took my wife’s other hand and began walking on the inner side as I have continued to do. My son was successful in getting me to do something I wouldn’t normally do because i wanted to and I understood why.

Learning To Lead

Learning to lead is a life long journey